Falling in love, AGAIN!

I’m your regular, average looking guy next door. Well, that is after I have had my share of one-night stands, hook ups, flings and girlfriends during my 20s. My idea of a relationship has always been movies, dinners and sex involving no emotional attachment unless demanded.

While I was fooling around with girls, one day I received a call that caught me off guard. My best friend broke the news that she is getting married. My best friend was getting married. Wasn’t I supposed to be happy and ecstatic for her? Instead there was this sinking feeling. I started whimpering, a shudder down my spine and I burst into tears because that very moment it dawned upon me that I’ve been in love with her all this while.

9 long years and I never acknowledged my feelings, and now it was too late to tell her.

What followed next were obvious days and weeks of sulking, heavy drinking and a devastating period of sadness. I regretted almost everything and felt like I lost out on the love of my life. I had never felt love this like before – it was passionate, unconditional, intense; a state of perfect happiness but with immense physical pain right in my chest because I knew I’d lost “HER”.

My defense mechanism to cope with such a loss was indulging in erratic sexual behavior and becoming a raging alcoholic. I lost all hopes of ever finding “the one” and dreaded the idea of love and romance. I turned into an emotional robot and functioned by shutting down the walls of my heart. In simpler words, once burnt, twice shy.

I channelized all my energy into work and studies.

You know the best things in life happen when you are not looking or least expect them. My doors were shut and the walls were stronger than ever. It was right then that came along this new person. She was attractive, adorable and had a witty sense of humor.

There was something about her that instantly drew me.

But, this time I was cautious because I was scared to fall in love again or having my heart broken into a million pieces. Like the endless inhibitions you have before taking the plunge to love again with all your heart and soul.

The first hug felt warm and protective, holding hands gave me goose bumps, the first kiss was luscious yet magical and there she stood in front of me with her arms wide open silently telling me to FALL IN LOVE, AGAIN!


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