Guest Post by Kriti Sharma (My Mental Health Therapist - Art)

Kriti at her art stall

5 years ago I was living my BEST life! I had a dream!! I was reluctantly studying for CA, earning peanuts (Rs. 3000 per month to be precise) and attending college and classes all day!! My dream made me feel happy and alive. And the stepping stone of realizing this dream was giving my father a cheque of Rs. 3000  every month (Rs. 100/ day) which he would proudly go and deposit in the bank himself!

Well it doesn't sound that great but it was an inch closer towards my dream. I always dreamt of having a house of my own overlooking the sea, a blue Volkswagen Beetle and being able to travel the world with nothing but a bag pack! That was ALL I had EVER wanted.

I was living under a HUGE emotional turmoil when I met my husband! We were so different yet we hit it off as if we knew each other for ages.  I had big dreams, while he had already accomplished his.
Being with him meant accomplishing my destination without going through the journey, so we both chose not to pursue each other as we both weren't ready to be with each other for our own personal reasons.

After a long few months of not speaking, we both had realized what we were missing out on. The fact that I could lose him forever just to fulfill my dreams felt a little irrational now so I made sure I told him I was ready to date and eventually marry.

All was rosy in the beginning but soon I realized that I was not the same "Kriti" without my dreams. They made me what I was, strong willed and happy. I spent a year trying to make peace with it but all in vain. Soon enough I was pregnant with my son and I had no time to think about my ongoing professional course. I spent time enjoying every dessert and delicacy, our excitement for the new arrival and my little bump.

28 April 2018, I delivered my beautiful son and a week after I was hit with Post Partum depression.
I didn't pay much attention to how depressed I was earlier but now it was visible to me as well as others   how much it consumed me and how much energy it took. I had stopped enjoying life, I kept nagging, feeling ugly , feeling useless and a failure. I saw how other moms felt so great and I was struggling to pull my hair up, standing was a task and the constant cries just made it worse. Its not that I didn't love my child, I had just lost love for myself.

Seeing me, my father pointed out that new moms usually experience Post Partum depression after delivery due to withdrawal of hormones and sleepless nights. That was exactly what I needed to hear, I needed a confirmation of what I was going through because I couldn't accept it to myself.

Around 1 year ago, my Mother in law randomly started painting as a pass time, I was so intrigued that I had to try it. So the little crazy girl in me brought 12 canvases and started painting. Then I got the craziest idea of getting 96 more canvases and painting 108 names of Lord Ganesh. I've never been religious but at that point in time I painted what made me happy.

Since it was around the time of Ganesh Chaturthi, we decided to offer these paintings to the devotees when they came to visit our house.  Everyone who received them was delighted and encouraged me and my Mother in Law to exhibit all of our paintings.

The very next day we checked for all the exhibitions in the next month and by sheer luck we came across the Bombay Art Exhibition at NSCI where artists all over India were displaying. Mind you, we weren't that great, but our family made sure that we felt we were the best. In the 3 day long exhibition we met wonderful artists whose work was better than anything I'd ever seen. We never went in thinking we'd sell anything but there was hope. Late evening on the first day, a man approached us, he heard our story and was happy seeing our ideas. We made our FIRST EVER SALE. A  paper weight worth Rs. 100. I had never felt happier. Rs 100 doesn't mean a lot anymore, but that note made me feel I was the richest person in the world. It made me feel worthy, strong and independent , something i had not felt in really long.


That day I wrote a letter to my Father in law telling him how I had been feeling and what I had felt that day and gifted him that 100 Rupee note! I told him how I had gifted my father my very first earning and how I was now gifting my second father the second first earning of my new life.

I never imagined how depression felt like and I never thought scribbling or pouring paint would make me feel a hell lot better. Everyone has their days/months / years being consumed by depression but its very important to find what helps you!

NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN HOW YOU FEEL. YOU ARE IMPORTANT AND YOU ARE WORTH IT! 

Art to me is not just pouring paint. Its a therapy in itself. Choosing a color, deciding how to use it and seeing the outcome of the hard work is extremely satisfying and empowering. We often feel money is what makes us strong, it might be true for a few but satisfaction in what you do is much more powerful! Art pulled me out of my worst nightmare and on the path of a beautiful journey I was on a long time ago. A loving husband, supportive family and a lot of messy hands got me feeling I HAVE IT ALL.

FIND WHAT YOU LOVE AND TRUST ME IT WILL LOVE YOU BACK MUCH MORE!! 


About the Author
Kriti Sharma is an Alice who lives in  Wonderland in her head, hoping it bursts out and becomes real some day. You can check out more of her art work on the following links:-

www.gyaan.art

Please DM her on instagram for workshops on art therapy.
Instagram handle: @gyaan.art


Comments

  1. AMAZING ARTICLE
    please visit my blog
    https://kidscricketcoaching.blogspot.com/2020/06/episode-19-hook-shot-in-cricket-13062020.html

    ReplyDelete
  2. Inspirational article

    ReplyDelete
  3. Such eloquent writing :-)

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  4. Well written! I’m glad you found your way to feeling better ♥️

    ReplyDelete
  5. Very nice article..I am happy you got help in time, keep helping others.

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  6. Well done Kriti! Proud of you!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Loved reading.
    Loved the paintings, trust me

    ReplyDelete
  8. Amazing article. very inspirational❤

    ReplyDelete

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